Not enough
by SimplyRali
Summary: She is doing what she loves and he finally found a way of changing the future and connecting with people. Their life is good. But good is the enemy of great. So what will they do when good is no longer enough? Where tomorrow's dreams are not quite what they seem… and the harsh reality settles in. (Joe Macmillan X Cameron Howe ; Halt and catch fire , Jameron, post-cannon)


**Not enough**

The main hall in Phoenix exploded into applause and cheers.

"Okay, okay… calm down." Donna made her way through the crowd, bumping into pretty much everyone on her way. The redhead ducked her head when a new wave of whistles and Whoohoos came. Finally standing in front of everybody, she took a look behind her to find Cameron still talking with a few of the coding guys.

When Cam met her eyes, the older woman made an inviting gesture with her hands and spun around to grab two champagne glasses from the nearby table. Handing one of them to her partner she smiled brightly at her and turned towards the group.

"Attention! Please! Guys, come on…" She clinked with a little spoon on the glass surface, trying to get their attention, which was hilarious to Cameron since the tiny noise was completely drowned by the laughter in the room.

"GUYS!" Cam screamed and grinned. The room got quiet almost immediately and thirty pairs of eyes fell on the female duo.

Donna gave Cameron a quick side glance, cleared her throat and raised her glass.

"I can't believe we made it! Who would have thought we'll get this far?! I want to say that I'm very proud and grateful for your commitment. It's been a long and hard journey to become what we are today, now granted, I was absent most of the time, but my thoughts and hopes were always with you. Phoenix started as a little project which role was to build a connection between me and Cam again, but turned into a giant beast in the field that changed everyone's life! I want to say a big 'Thank you' to my best partner and dear friend Cameron Howe." Donna turned her body and completely faced Cam, who shifted nervously under the intense look. "Thank you, for giving us a second chance and bringing this idea to life. Without you, there would have been no Phoenix. So, thanks for staying in town that day and coming with me on this adventure. Cheers!"

A slow smile spread on Cam's lips and the women clinked their glasses.

"Donna, you have no ide - " The redhead hurriedly took a small sip and cut Cameron off.

"Oh, now, I will let her say a few words." Donna announced and motioned to Cam to step ahead. The blonde gave her a wide-eyed look, Donna perfectly well knew how much she hated speeches and how bad she was at giving them.

"Yeah! Come on, boss!" A few shouts and cheers were heard in the room, which only made things worse. Swallowing hard she wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans.

"Umm, yes… what Donna said. Okay, fine… I, ah, we all worked really hard to be here. I mean, just look at the board, man, one million subscribers. ONE MILLION! That's… a lot of people. What we do affects so many lives and in the best possible way. It creates connection, it brings happiness. I… I just want to thank you for making Phoenix burn brightly! So cheers! To Phoenix!"

"To Phoenix!" The room exploded again, bottles were popped and chatter was heard from everywhere. Someone even decided to blast music from the other end of the hall. Cam eyed the scene before her and smiled warmly.

A few seconds later she felt Donna pulling her arm and leading her aside to a quieter corner.

"Hey, listen, I really have to go. I have this dinner that I can't miss… " Donna was biting her lower lip and looking apologetic.

"You said you'd be free on Friday."

"I was. But this partner from Italy called last minute and… Well, you know how it is. It's not like I enjoy it, it's hard juggling between two jobs, Cam. Phoenix is important to me, you know that, but so is Symphonic Ventures."

"Yeah, sure. I know, it's cool. Go." Cameron waved dismissively with her hand and looked into the ground, trying very hard to ignore the small pang in her heart.

"Okay, great, thanks for understanding." Donna saw Cameron blindly nodding and added. "Again. I promise I'll make it up to you… See you on Monday."

 _Monday?_ Cam frowned.

"Whoa, wait! We made plans to talk about the piling complaints on Saturday. We can't keep putting this off - "

"About that… yeah, I know, but Joanie is coming home and I promised the girls we'd go swimming on the weekend. And, well, you know how they are…"

"Look, all we need is a couple of hours to decide what to do. I can't deal with this on my own. I'm already covering pretty much everything. You are my partner and when I need you, I have to find you there, backing me up, Donna. That's not what we've talked about."

"I am here. Cam…"

"Don't 'Cam' me and no, most of the time, you are not. The complaints are growing, we need to do something about the lagging."

"Cameron, relax. Everything is fine - "

"No, you are not listening-"

"Take a look around. Everything is perfect. " Donna took a few steps backwards and spread her hands. "One million subscribers, Cam! It can't be better than this. One million! Just relax and enjoy it, okay? I'll see you on Monday and we'll talk about everything you want. I promise!" She spun around on her high hills and headed for the exit, leaving Cameron to stare after her for a long long time.

"Yeah, it can't be better than this…"

* * *

 _*Bell ringing*_

"… And that will be all for today. Don't forget to bring your essays on Monday and we'll discuss what we've learned so far about the myth of the tortured artist and how pain can be raw source of material for beauty in art."

Joe watched as the desks cleared, his words probably falling on deaf ears. A few "yeah, yeah" and "have a nice day, Mr. Macmillan" were heard from students on their way out.

Joe smiled tightly, nodded to no one in particular and closed his book.

This was his second year as a teacher. Same lessons, new faces. And although working with children definitely had been rewarding, he was falling into a pattern he didn't particularly enjoy. There was no… spark, danger, excitement… Just a well-known safe routine. He still couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.

He sighed, shook slightly his head and headed to collect his stuff from the office.

It was a long week and he was tired. All day in that dusty classroom.

He needed some fresh air.

* * *

The party had come to an end and only Cam and the design guy, Jake, were left in the room.

"I was thinking we need to make a few changes to the Home page."

Both were heading towards the exit, Cameron digging the keys out of the pocket in her jeans.

"I agree. It has to be eye-catching, but at the same time… elegant. You know what I mean?" She squinted her eyes at him, not really sure or envisioning what she had meant herself. She took a mental note to think more about that on the weekend. Maybe a few changes in the color theme and the fallout menu…

"I… well, kinda. I'll make a few drafts and we can start from there…"

"Yeah, sure. That'll be great."

" 'kay. Have a nice weekend, boss!" Jake waved goodbye.

"Thanks, you too!"

Cam turned the key and locked the building behind her.

The parking lot was empty, only her truck was left, bathed in the last golden light of the day.

Soon it will be dark.

* * *

"Mr. Macmillan! Wait! Mr. Macmillan!"

Joe turned around when he heard his name echoing in the long corridor, only to find Brandon Smith running towards him, all sweaty and breathless. Smart kid, in the football team, but needs a little guidance to fix his grades.

When Joe saw him in shorts and covered in mud, he smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"Training for the new season, I see."

"Yes, sir, the game is next Thursday!" the boy's face lit up when he talked about sport, "Thanks for waiting."

"Sure, Brandon. What's up?"

"I… wanted to talk about the assignment you gave us, you know, the essay… "

"Okay… What about it?"

"I started writing it, actually I finished it yesterday. But I… I don't know if it is good enough. I really need to receive a good grade this semester if I want to get in college, so… I was wondering if you could take a look earlier and give me a few notes, so I can improve it. You know, before Monday… "

"Brandon, right now I'm going home and you obviously have practice. So, why don't you email it to me tonight and I'll see what I can do, okay?" A gentle smile appeared on Joe's lips when he heard the boy's plan to go to college. Last year he fell into a deep dark hole, when his mother had drinking problems, but ever since he moved in with his grandparents, he was getting back on track.

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Of course."

"Yes! Cool. Thank you so much, sir!" Brandon was smiling brightly and waved goodbye. And as the boy walked away, Joe couldn't help but notice the spring in his step.

Moments like these warmed his heart. When he could impact someone's future, even in a small insignificant way, and take a glimpse in the days to come, because he could see, he could see Brandon doing all that – getting nice grades, being accepted into college, doing whatever he put his mind into.

But no matter how sweet these moments were, they were gone a little too fast.

Joe turned around and continued walking down the empty corridor, but this time only the echo of his steps keeping him company on the way out.

The last golden light of the day seeped through the big windows.

Soon it will be dark.

* * *

Cameron opened the front door and threw her backpack on the ground. Kicking her sneakers aside, barefooted she headed to the kitchen. Grabbing the remote control on her way, she opened the fridge and tsk-ed at the products inside.

Not much really – just some eggs, cheese, ham and a bottle of now probably spoiled milk.

Grabbing two eggs and some cheese, she got her favorite mug from the cabinet over her sink and let the microwave work its magic, while she scanned the programs on her tv.

Joe was stirring the vegetables in the wok, almost ready with his dinner. The tv was working in the background, creating a soothing white noise and illuminating the otherwise dark room.

Pulling a fork and a napkin from the drawer under the sink, Joe poured the contents from the pan in a black square plate.

* * *

*Beep beep*

Dinner was ready. Carefully pulling the hot mug from the microwave, Cam grabbed a box of chocolate chip cookies and a cold orange soda and headed to the couch in front of the tv.

* * *

Putting the dirty wok in the sink, he let the water run over it.

His eyes becoming glassy, when an old memory came to life before his eyes.

He was explaining to…

how you should let the dishes first soak in the water, so the grease would fall off more easily later and always scrub in clockwise motion. She laughed at him then and called him a maniac. He could still hear her melodic laughter echoing in the room...

Joe shut tightly his eyes, willing the picture away and tried to ignore the painful lump in his throat. Something was rising inside, something he had no word for, but that best could be described as… regret.

Filling a glass of red wine, he carried his plate over to the table and carefully arranged his utensils.

* * *

Cameron took off her jeans and plopped down on the couch in her underwear. Picking her spoon and mug, she leaned back on the soft pillows and started to lift her feet, intending to put them on the coffee table in front of her. The second her foot touched the wooden surface of the small table she stopped and withdrew it.

" _ **Cam, that's disgusting. Feet off the table."**_

She swore she could hear him right next to her.

Looking at the empty spot beside her, she swallowed few times, but the tightness in her throat didn't want to go away. So she focused on the tv program instead, anything to distract her from where her mind was trying to lead her.

Her glassy eyes stared blankly at the screen, some game show was on.

" _\- Welcome back after the commercial break! We are here with Michael, who is fighting to win 25 000 dollars! Michael, how are you doing, buddy? Are you ready for your next question?_

 _Yes, sir! I'm ready to take this money home and sleep well tonight!_

 _Ha-ha! Great! I like the confidence! Okay, here is the question for 25 000! What mythological beast - "_

* * *

" – _is reborn from its own ashes?"_

Joe chewed his dinner and poked around the vegetables on his plate. He watched the smug smile that Michael had on his face and frowned.

" – _Dragon, final answer."_

"Idiot."

* * *

"Moron. It's Phoenix."

Cameron put aside her empty mug and leaned back, eyes fixating on the darkness above the television. She sighed heavily.

What was she doing with her life?

* * *

" – _Are you sure that's your final answer?_

 _Absolutely!_

 _Oh, Michael, I'm so sorry, that's wrong. The correct answer is Phoenix!"_

Joe swallowed the last of his now tasteless vegies and finished the wine in one big gulp. Blinking blindly at the screen as a new contestant appeared.

What was this? Was this really his future?

* * *

She was doing what she loves. She had home, friends, people who support her. Yet, all she could think about was…

* * *

Something is missing, someone… was missing…

* * *

It's not how I imagined it would be… There should be more.

* * *

I want more... Because right now…

* * *

What I have…

* * *

 **Is not enough.**

* * *

"- Everybody let's say hello to our next contestant – Leslie Summers! Hello, Leslie, we're very glad you could join us this evening! So tell me, Leslie, **are you ready to fight for what you want and change your life?!**

 **Yes, yes, I am!"**


End file.
